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You’re a Celebrity – Get in Here!

If you’re like me, many of your daily conversations revolve around the Pandemic. Wading through the latest Covid news and related doom and gloom just isn’t good for you, well for me at least. 

So, on Sunday night my wife and I watched some distracting comfort TV in the shape of the latest UK series of ‘I’m a Celebrity get me out of here’.  This series is different in that it taking place in Gwrych Castle in North Wales instead of the usual Aussie jungle due to Covid-19 restrictions.  If anybody doesn’t know, the show involves a group of celebrities living together in extreme conditions with few creature comforts. Each member undertakes challenges to secure additional food and treats for the group, and to avoid being voted out by viewers during their stay.  In the final episode, following nominations, the winners are crowned as “King or Queen”.  What isn’t different is that it features mainly ‘c-list’ celebrities of which I know only half.  Although I’m not a big fan of the show, it does produce one or two moments of tv gold.  And it’s the ‘character’ and interaction of the contestants which is the appeal rather than how famous they are.  That said, it’s always fun when the big egos clash and celebrities don’t get on.   Which makes me wonder…….. wouldn’t it be fun if the biggest celebrities in the news were hijacked to appear to see if they could survive it without a breakdown or a lawsuit?

And my nominations are:

Prince Harry and Megan Markle  The show would be the perfect career choice for out of work Royals and Actors, Prince Harry and Megan Markle.  I would love to see how they would plot to be the King and Queen of the Castle.  I can see them being shadowed by bodyguards everywhere… ‘Look out Princess, let me neutralise that pesky sheep’.  I can see them torturing their fellow campmates with impassioned speeches…. ‘Our new charity is going to help by stamping out racism against the Welsh and their culture, oh and to work on your unfortunate old fashioned language which is clearly holding you back.’  I want to watch the faces of the other celebrities when the helicopter drops their ‘prize’ meal of saffron rice and beans with wagyu beef, oysters and caviar after having failed the task of not posing to front of a camera for 30 seconds.

Donald Trump.  I don’t see why Trump’s lawyers and advisors couldn’t persuade him that he won such a magnificent election victory, he can now promoted to King in waiting, and in charge of his own castle.  Maybe give him a Prince’s crown to wear and tell him he’s got dragons to protect him.  He’ll love it.  ‘I feel so powerful. I have dragons.  Watch out China. I could kiss everybody.  I’ll be a great King, the best King, they’ll love me.’

Nigel Farage.  A bit of a risk for the producers (would he be nice Nigel or nasty Nigel?), but Nigel might be happy to do the programme if only to recoup the £10,000 sum he bet and lost on the outcome of the US election.  It would be great tv also watching him set up some new political party and perched on the castle battlements with his binoculars watching out for stray migrants.  On a practical note, he could help out the 40 hired security guards and Special Forces troops that have been deployed to prevent intruders to the castle grounds, and he could also be a carer for Donald Trump.

Piers Morgan.  Piers would be a good choice also in my view. I know a lot of people find him irritating, a psychopath, a narcissist and even obnoxious, but I have to admit he often says what I am thinking and he is not without feeling and a sense of justice.  We need someone tough to take politicians and celebrities to task especially when they have such a sense of their own importance and show disdain for others. Which is why it would be great to see him adopt the role of pantomime villain in Castle and to grill and tease everyone just for the fun of it.  He’d surely tell any winging celebrities to “man up or go home”. 

Kim Kardashian.  It would be fascinating to see how someone regarded as one of the most cosseted and vain celebrites out there would cope with basic conditions in the camp.  (She recently confirmed that there is indeed a clause in her will stating that in case of a debilitating illness, she needs to have her hair, makeup AND nails done at all times.)  Despite having over 189m followers on Instagram, a  recent survey revealed 70% of Americans hate her.  She has been called “a talentless half-wit” by Piers Morgan and accused of having the morals of a flea by another critic.  How much needle would she get in camp? Probably quite a few to maintain that comedy Bum.  (She makes me think of Kenny Everett doing a parody sketch of Rod Stewart’s “Do You Think I’m Sexy?” His butt grows bigger as the song progresses, until he floats away like a balloon!)

I could think of others celebrities but I am concerned I’d be straying more into the realms of Room 101. 

Is there anyone you’d like to see in ‘I’m a Celebrity’ and why?  

 

Author: Paul

I am a retired, married bloke, dad and grandad - growing old with attitude.

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